.:the magic of the marketing machine:.
this commercial is hillarious…
…and now that you have watched it, let’s discuss. apparently this superbowl commercial has raised a stink in the world of restaurants…according to the fast food restaurant marketing machine.
you know what i have to say about that? i smell bullsh*t, friends…
first of all, i say to the National Restaurant Association President and chief executive steven anderson, ‘way to exploit fast food restaurant employees, using them as an excuse to draw attention to your marketing cause. you are worthless pile of crap.’ i about fell out of my chair when i read his quote to the associated press, which was something like, ‘[the ad was a] strong and direct insult to the 12.8 million Americans who work in the restaurant industry.”
riiiight. i’m sure all 12.8 million workers are sitting there going, ’screw k-fed. he’s so mean for making fun of us for working in a fast food restaurant. boy, he should know better. they take such good care of us and treat us like we’re worth something. i will never, ever buy k-fed’s album or support his cause or the music industry or buy into the marketing hype ever again.’
let’s first note that the commercial has absolutely nothing to do with fast food other than using it as a punchline to the arse of the joke, who is none other than kevin federline.
and then there’s this whole super bowl thing…one of the most highly anticipated, highly watched television events during the course of the year. and people come to watch the super bowl to watch football to just as much as they come to watch the commercials. therefore, as a company, you pay a premium to put spots there. and if you’re going to pay a ton of money, you want to maximize your impressions because impressions (in theory) equate to sales, future or otherwise.
now let’s play it all from the top…
.:act I: the phone calls:.
rick, the marketing guy at ‘nationwide auto insurance‘: hey bob, this is rick. listen, we’ve got this great commercial with k-fed where he’s working in some fast food restaurant dreaming of being a rap star. the punchline is pretty obvious, wouldn’t you say?
bob, the PR guy at the national restaurant association (NRA): oh yeah, that’s great, rick. thanks for the tip. really appreciate it. we’ll have caviar and dom next week. thanks.
rick hangs up and orders up a bently directly from the dealer with all of the options………
meanwhile, bob calls up steven anderson (remember, pres. at the NRA)…
bob: hey steven, guess what? just got off the phone with rick and this is what’s up…(proceeds to tell him the story)…
steven a: sweet. thanks for the tip.
bob hangs up the phone and orders up a lamborghini with all the options……..
steven gets on the phone, makes a few phone calls and has a press release created and sent out which basically raises a stink about how offensive it is to all the workers in the restaurant industry, and k-fed should should get eaten by sharks with lasers attached to their heads.
steven kicks back with a martini and orders up some expensive mercedes model with all the options………
after all the cars are ordered and corporate ‘high fives’ go ’round, here’s what happens…
act II: media madness
so all this hits the media like poop hitting a fan. the commercial goes out early. there’s buzz around it it ahead of time. everyone needs to see it now. everyone is aware. and with everyone aware, you have your next level of high-money playaz’, like the president of taco bell greg creed, sending out things like this to k-fed’s crew (which also happens to conveniently land in the media’s hands):
____
Dear Mr. Federline,
First off, congratulations on your upcoming Super Bowl ad. We heard it’s generating a lot of talk, particularly about working in the fast food industry.
We know you respect those who work in our business. In fact, last year you said in an interview, “My kids are going to have to learn what a real job is, what life is. You don’t have it easy with me. Period. My kids are going to work at Taco Bell.”
We’re flattered, but obviously they’re too young to work for us. So here’s our offer to you: Come work for us, just for a one hour shift. We’ll get you a uniform, a custom name tag and show you what a great place Taco Bell is to work. We’ll even reward customers who visit that restaurant with an order of our new Carne Asada Steak Grilled Taquitos for free.
We encourage you to continue to “Think Outside the Bun” and hope you accept our tasty offer.
Sincerely,
Greg Creed
President
Taco Bell Corp.
_____
greg creed orders up a hummer with all the options AND the additional military grade machine gun turret attached to the top. i’m also relatively certain that a few more fast food presidential types and marketing dudes will probably try to step on the bandwagon soon so they can at least get a fully loaded chevy tahoe or something out of the deal.
more media poop flies.
and here’s what happens out on the street level…where you and i…the middle class…will actually be the ones paying for all these guys’ cars…
.:act III: the cheese stands alone:.
we read about it. we watch the commercial. we chuckle a little. we think and ponder and wrestle with this huge moral dilemma, and the majority of us come to the conclusion that, yes, these poor restaurant guys are busting their tails only to be made fun of by the big, bad, relatively talentless and pretty darn goofy k-fed. we go out to taco bell and order up a tasty cheap meal…and in the hour where k-fed is working at that particular TB, we get our tasty processed Carne Asada (grade D but still edible) Steak Grilled Taquitos, pat the TB workers on the back, and walk away to our happy lives better people. the end.
so why are all these guys buying cars? or rather, how are you involved in their car purchases?
remember rick? he got a car because he just increased the number of impressions (by a rather dramatic amount, most likely) for his company. and remember…impressions = purchase. nationwide now has it’s hooks in your brain, increasing your chances to buy nationwide when you’re thinking of buying insurance. congrats rick.
remember bob? bob got a car because he most likely got some kick-backs from steven anderson, his boss, for increasing the public profile of the national restaurant association…and increasing their profile increases the profile of all restaurants in general…specifically in this case fast food…and those guys probably kicked up cash…and…well…you see what i’m getting at. congrats bob.
remember steven? just read above. the money comes to steven first…he gets his cut…passes a bonus to bob…steven gets his car, etc….congrats steven.
remember greg creed? greg creed gets his car/military behemoth because he gets the name ‘taco bell’ and ‘humor’ and ‘hipness’ and some new products and incentive to come all rolled out to the masses in one huge fell media tidal wave. oh yeah, and it’s all free press. people come to TB. people buy food and increase sales. increased sales + low advertising costs = big sweet bonus check for greg. congrats greg.
act IV: …and the the losers ARE…
kevin federline: of course, he can’t look any worse than he already does to begin with. nationwide doesn’t suffer because it’s kevin federline who is the offender…not nationwide. hooray for shift in blame.
the restuarant workers: they never asked to be part of this to begin with. my guess is that they could probably care less about this. they get no bonus checks or raises or anything like that. hooray for employee exploitation.
me and you: we got sucked into the media hype and provided those hungrily sought after impressions. we just spent our hard-earned cash on cars we’ll never drive for guys we don’t know and don’t care about. hooray for consumption.
what’s the moral of the story? don’t watch the superbowl tomorrow.
