.:10 things to do when you’re bored during your WoW playing time:.

one of the genius things that you’ll find when you play world of warcraft is that every ten levels, no matter what character class you play, you will get some really cool new class defining ability or reach some kind of character plateau that makes you even more awesome-er than you were before. for example, when you reach level ten as a warlock, you can summon your very first pet voidwalker who will fight for you…lie for you…walk the wire for you…ya’ he’d die for you………….you know it’s true… *vomit*

when you reach level ten as a priest, you can resurrect your dead buddies. as a druid, you can turn yourself into a giant bear. at level 40, you can go and buy your very first sweet mount that will help you get to places much faster. at level 60, you will have enabled yourself to complete your entire talent tree…which means that you’ve customized your character to it’s full potential in one or two different areas of that classes abilities (i.e. as a mage, you can concentrate in ice and arcane…meaning you are at your best by dishing out defensive/crowd control/area of effect spells - spells that have an effect on enemies within a specific radius).

and those are just a few of the things…

why is this genius? because it plants the seed of incentive in your game-addled skull. it makes you want to keep playing until you reach that next stupid little goal. and of course, the priority of a game like WoW is to keep you playing for as long as possible sans getting bored…because when you start getting bored, your game-playing starts to curtail…and when your game playing starts to curtail, you start to come unplugged from the matrix. and when you come unplugged from the matrix…well…you don’t want to do that. all of your other elf friends will get pissed at you for that…

but ultimately, you can…and you will…start to get bored. especially if you are a person like myself who has a couple of level 60 characters, and the thought of putting yourself through the paces again to get those characters from 60 to 70 weighs heavily on your soul no matter what the rewards are.

never fear, though, fellow gameheroin addicts; i am here to provide you with REPRIEVE. i have devised ten things to do while you are grinding your digital you up the level treadmill when you begin to feel the twinges of boredom. take a break, logoff, close your eyes, and pick one of these things to do. after participating in them, they will re-ignite your passion to go kill more little pixellated bastards that will yield you the ever-valuable experience you so crave and desire…

10. watch the WoW southpark episode:

sorry if the video is dead…but with the power of the interweb, you too can go search it out and find it in one of ten million other places where it will be available. watching this will make you feel one of two things. it will either make you take a long hard look at yourself and get you thinking thoughts like, ‘oh my god…what have i done? i’ve wasted xxxx hours/days/months…years…of my life playing a game that provides me with no real return on life and…wait a second…i kind of look like i’m turning into the evil guy that the SP crew defeats in this episode…NOOOOOOOOOO!’

or…it will give you a chuckle and make you want to go and see if the ’sword of a thousand truths’ will drop on your next high-level instance run.

9. pay attention to your animals who crave your attention and are showing you how pissed they are at you by peeing on the floor, shredding your couch cushions and gnawing at your ankles.

despite what you think, your animals cannot…and will not…tolerate your ‘give me just another 10 minutes so i can get xxxx level/item/spell/widget’ attitude like, say, your wife or girlfriend/boyfriend might……..MIGHT. they want to do what they want now. they do not understand the game. remember…in real life, you are not a hunter who has a beast that you can just feed when they get upset. real life animals like attention. resist the urge to dismiss your pet when they are telling you they want to go out or they want to be fed. this is not good. you will go to jail.

8. shower. groom yourself. light a yankee candle or spray some febreze air effects - if you play WoW for extended periods of time, you will stink from the sedentary nature of your actions. remember…you are wallowing around in your own nasty funk. body funk is not sexy. looking like a slob will not get you the girl/guy. well…okay…i guess i ended up with a hot wife, but i started playing after i had her under the spell of my charm and my eventual downspiral into severe dorkdom began to rear it’s ugly head. but i still take the time to make myself look presentable. when you’re as pimp as i am, you have an image to uphold…and you should have that attitude too.

repeat after me: “i am a pimp. i can play games but i can still attempt to not be a social reject. i am worth it. and people like me, dammit.”

7. go and talk to a real person…like your mom…or your neighbor…or your friends that you stopped talking to months ago because you were busy making sure that your warrior got his next PVP rank - despite what you may think, chatting with people in the game does not really count as talking to a real person. talking in the game is like switching over to a brand new language…and talking to a completely different breed of person altogether. one time, i was trying to explain something to a friend who does not play the game. here’s a partial transcript for you…

me: in order to pwn ony, you have to download CTRaidAssist and make sure every noob has it installed. you also have to make sure that everyone has vent installed and access to the vent server. in order to make your way to her, you have to have a tank melee each guard and get aggro…wait for three sunders…and then ranged damage only…all other melee stays back. once you get past all the guards and to ony, even numbered groups go left, odd numbered groups go right. groups 1 and 2 are on the whelps. make sure that your MT turns ony towards the wall and gets aggro and then people can start doing light ranged. make sure your MT is fear warded…

friend: *blank stare*

you, as a player, might ask yourself, ‘why would you ever try to explain to someone who doesn’t play the game what you’re doing?’ i don’t have an answer to that. the fact of the matter is that sometimes you will slip. sometimes you will say things that only make sense in the context of the game to people in real life…and you will feel like an ass. so it is imperative that you haul yourself up out of the bed, up off the chair, off of your couch…and go talk to real people. they exist. real people are sweet.

6. read this blog - everyday. bookmark it. add it to your feeds. do whatever it is you have to do to get here…because i promise that i will give you the necessary 5 minutes of mental stimulation you need a day in order to keep your brain from atrophying into a pile of slop. as a fellow game player, i know that you need this. i care about you. yes. you.

5. watch fight club - you are not your WoW character. no matter what you might think, you are a human and you do not have special powers and you do not have a quest log that will yield gold and experience and you cannot legally hamstring/immolate/starfire/judge your buddies. or anyone for that matter. you are not special. and after you have watched fight club, go punch somebody* to prove that you are alive. and strive to look like brad pitt because he’s awesome**…and probably doesn’t even think twice about playing WoW…but i digress…

*andrew takes to responsibility for actually following through with this action. you may have your ass handed to you. you may get arrested. you may be an idiot. do it at your own discretion.

**despite how homosexual this may sound, i am not gay.

4. eat something other than food that you can eat while playing the game…like not pizza or doritos or chocolate teddy grahms or saltines or fishsticks or a hotpocket or subway - eating the above items on a regular basis while playing the game is not conducive to a body that loves you. jerod lies. all subway will not make you a thin trim nerd like him. for example, you cannot expect to go and order a 12-inch spicy italian sub on white bread with olive oil and bacon and cheese and half a can of parmesan and wash it down with a 20 oz. dr. pepper and a bag of baked lays and then magically lose 5 pounds for the day. no way, mr./ms. - you get fat.

try some broccoli. make yourself some soup and eat it with a spoon out of a bowl instead of putting it in a large coffee cup so you can still possibly type in the chat window and move while eating. eat a sushi roll with chopsticks. or better yet, go order yourself a nice full meal at a sit-down restaurant! bring your significant other along so you can talk to them! and don’t drink beer. sorry…beer and the game is not a good mix.

3. clean your apartment/house/computer area - most computer folks that i know are not exactly the most clean people i’ve ever known. some are downright slovenly. break the stereotype. once you’ve done number 8 in this list, perhaps you could follow it up with this one. put your CDs away. clean your area of the 7 day old ant/roach-crawling pizza boxes. vacuum up the dry cereal leavings on the floor. use some canned air to clean out your keyboard. remove the dust and dried spittle from your monitor (the dried spittle gets there when you yell and scream and foam at the mouth at someone for leroying a raid). use some cable organizers to make your area look kind of professional…like you do something else productive at your computer other than play the game.

2. go to a social event where there are people. lots of them - why? because you must understand that this is how much much of modern society functions…and being a part of modern society isn’t that bad. really! your troll and elf friends can wait for you. i mean…is it really that awful to go see a muse concert? or go see a broadway musical? maybe you could go watch a boxing match or a football game if the arts aren’t your thing. or you could go to a bar, have some drinks, tie one on…work the ladies/men…(insert porn bass line here). go catch a good flick with a significant other. or….OR…you could be very daring here and you could do a combination of things…like…for example…you could go grab dinner…with your significant other or friend…go have a few drinks at a bar…and then go see a movie. oh my god…that’s too much…ALMOST TOO MUCH. noobs need not apply.

1. use the force luke…or bob…or john…or sarah…or whatever your name is - use it wisely. use it sparingly. but use it. the force puts you in tune with everything. it helps you see the forest through the trees. it helps you become self-aware and able to make adjustments to your life when you’re royally ‘effing it up by doing grade-A retarded things like trying (and succeeding) to get to level 70 in 28 hours. obi-wan and yoda…yeah…they’ve got it all right. put down the blast shield and trust your instincts. seriously…if you’re bored, and you’re making yourself to play the game, use the force to understand that you might potentially have a problem. it’s a game, and your life will not end if you take a tiny bit of time to go and do some of the other things you used to do before this affliction called WoW came along.

not to get all preachy, but you are trading minutes/hours/days/months of your life at a time…for what? a bunch of prettily/cool shaped pixels to go on your pixelly not-real avatar? how absurd is that? play the game…enjoy it…level up…rock out…but do some other stuff too. do it for the kids.

This entry was posted on Saturday, January 20th, 2007 at 9:17 am and is filed under Games. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.