.:oh, the things you’ll see…and do…:.

just for the record, i have no idea what paris hilton did. i just found this picture of her and thought it was funny and appropriate for the ridiculousness that usually ensues on your 21st birthday.

so i had an interesting conversation with an old friend this past weekend over e-mail. she sent out one of those silly ‘tell everything about yourself’ e-mails, and one of the questions was something like ‘what was your most memorable birthday?’, to which she replied, ‘ I don’t recall very much of it, and those who were with me don’t talk about it, so I think it was memeorable….’

i was with her, and i couldn’t believe that nobody had ever told her about it! it’s one of my favorite stories just because it’s so crazy. and because it’s one of my favorite stories, friends, i’m going to tell you all about it…

at this point, i lived on a street called ‘rohs’ up in clifton (the place where the UC campus is located). my friend…we’ll call her danielle…and 2 of our mutually good friends sarah and steve, came up and we went to a place called ‘daniel’s’.

we sat at a corner table and proceeded with the debauchery. after an hour or so, danielle had drank pretty much ALL shots and a couple of mixed drinks. she was getting to the point of incoherency. the last shot she took before the trouble began was a ‘blowjob’. terrible, eh?

she and sarah went to the bathroom…which is pretty much one of the worst, most disgusting bathrooms on the face of the earth. remember the bathroom in the movie ‘trainspotting’? yeah…like that.

they were in there for a little while. sarah came out and saying that she was having problems getting danielle out of there. just as those words were leaving her mouth, danielle comes stumbling out of the bathroom and onto the floor of the bar. like….LAID OUT flat on the floor. and she was kind of laughing a bit and saying that she was wasted and this was the worst of she has ever been etc. etc. she wasn’t making a lot of sense, and that was damn funny.

shortly after she had fallen on the floor and we picked her up, the bartender told us that we had to get her out of there. we didn’t want to argue, so steve and i took her arms and helped her to stumble out the back door. sarah decided that she would go get the car while we stood there and held danielle up. she was moaning and smiling and muttering completely incoherent things…

about five minutes later, sarah pulls around in her and steve’s grandma’s car. steve let go and went over to open the back door. danielle was pretty much passing out, and there was no way that we were going to get her in the car by her own actions, and so steve decided that we’d pick her up and put her in the back seat. he decided to take her top and i would take her legs. i asked him if he was sure, that i would probably be better off taking her. however, he insisted that everything would be fine.

big mistake. it was a big mistake because steve was (and still is) not exactly the biggest dude in the world. he’s very thin and it would probably take a nice strong gust of wind to drop him in his arse.

you see where this is going…

so on the count of three, we both lifted, but he misjudged how heavy her dead weight would be…and he literally dropped her on your head.

it was THE WORST sound i think i’ve ever heard. it sounded like a ripe cantaloupe hitting the ground. what happened next i remember happening in slow motion. i remember sarah yelling, “STEVE!!!! OH MY GOD!!!”. i remember looking down at danielle…who was bleeding pretty profusely, it being a head wound and all. not only was she bleeding…but she was kind of smiling…maybe laughing a tiny little bit…and she…no shit…started frothing at the mouth.

you can imagine that we were completely FREAKED out. we didn’t know if we should take her to the hospital or what. upon a little closer examination, her head didn’t look like it was too bad, and she had stopped frothing…….and that’s always a plus when person stops frothing at the mouth after being dropped on their head. sheesh.

we got her into the car and decided that we’d take her back to my apartment where they would spend the night. danielle woke up just fine the next day. she was a little out of it, and she said your head hurt a little…but otherwise she was fine.

in retrospect, this was a pretty stupid move. why in the HELL would we NOT take her to the emergency room? she could have seriously hurt herself. is this previous sentence the sound of a guy getting old? at what point does it finally click with your feeble brain that, geez, maybe it’snot such a good idea to drink like that?

dumb…but still pretty darn funny.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 30th, 2007 at 11:25 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.