.:good on toast:.
i’m kind of curious as to what makes one wake up one day and say, ‘today, i am going to become a spammer.’
i equate that phrase and the act of becoming a spammer to things like the following:
today, i am going to become____________
a. a pedophile
b. an underwater basket weaver
c. a person who truly loves barry manilow’s music
d. a cockroach
e. a nazi
f. george w. bush (although being a spammer might actually be a little better……..)
g. a ‘by the hour’ motel desk clerk
g. a mcdonald’s cheeseburger after it has gone through a digestive tract seven or eight times
h. a sewer rat floating around happily on a giant turd in the NYC sewer system
today, out of nowhere, i started receiving post spam. post spam…that means some idiot is either going through manually or, most likely, running a script to find blog postings and then post responses in them, like, “hi…eye half a simuhlar topik at my bloog. check it out:
http://www.ihaveviagrareallycheapforwellhungdudeslikeyouwhoaresearchingforsuperloosewomeninyourcity
tocomeanddoittoyouallnightlong.com”
…or something like that.
silly spammer! you KNOW that your blog is probably not going to contain the same kind of content my blog has. i’d be willing to bet that that stupid head spammer probably doesn’t even KNOW what’s on my blog! so why the heck would he come and post something like that on my topics? geez…
i also love the hundreds of spam mails that i get during the day. thankfully, good ol’ gmail rocks at stopping the spam. but every once in a while one slips through. you know what i’m talking about…the kind of stuff that’s like, ‘h ey. i kn owz you like 2 party the big brown dog on a fence touching mo re barbedwire on a fresh bun crush thiz car with your barehnads feel the pwer. visit www.sweetteencurses.com. “
as a matter of fact, let’s take a little walk, now shall we? let’s open up my gmail and let’s hit the spam folder and pick one that really stands out and share…
how about this one from my good friend ‘yigit mesut’ word up, yigit…how are you today? i’m fine. haven’t heard from you in a while, you know…
and yigit wants to talk to me about ‘BBC and the smoking gun of 911′. reliable news from a reliable source! just what i’ve always wanted. guess i better open it up to see what my buddy yigit has to say about 911 and all of the torid consipracy theories of the day.
is it just me, or is it about ready to get awesome in here?
and yigit says:
______
#1 Penis Enlargement Solution in the World
You can order it here: http://www.championhomebuilder
100% Guaranteed risk free results or your Money Back!
–
lhijiniihpirhsilhohtimirhfflfu
_______
but…but i thought this was going to be about freakin’ 911 conspiracy! i wanted to hear about how dear ol’ donald rumsfeld and tricky dick cheny got wasted on wild turkey(a.k.a. ‘the tur’) one night in the war room and got in a brawl over who barbara bush likes better out of the two of them and how donald slipped on a bananna peel put there by W’s deranged orangutan pet and fell on the ‘do not press this button’ button, launching a warhead piloted by a termite towards the pentagon…
you can imagine how dissappointed i am on a daily basis because i don’t need penis enlargements. i need cutting edge conspiracy theory, friends, and yigit is absolutely not delivering. what a jerk.
finally, i absoutely LOVE phishing scams. i sold my laptop a couple of weeks back on craigslist. and while i got a few legit responses, i got a whole boatload of phishers.
phisher e-mail: do you still have the item? i would like to know the condition of the item and how much you want for it.
AG: hmm…ok…that’s weird. i could have sworn that, in my post, i listed the two very things that my future friend here is asking for.
so…i go ahead and reply that, yes, i still have the item…and that any kind of details that they need will be in the posting.
phisher e-mail #2: i half determind that this item isz ok and want 2 by it forr $XXX (editor’s note: it was generally $100-$200 over what i was asking for), wich shuld cuver shipeng and handeling and xpensez yo hav wit anythingelse. pleaase use phisherchump.com to mak a privet pymet to me. dont wory…i uze befor and not get riped offfff.’
AG:…………….. WTF mate?! are you kidding me?
let’s take into account that this is probably the third or fourth e-mail like this i’ve gotten…all pretty much exactly the same, bad english, bad grammar, extra money and all. you’d think that there’d be some kind of ‘phisher’s union’ or ‘phishing member’s club’ where you go to a site and you pick the territory you’re going to cover for the day. that way, your chances of actually catching a semi-retarded fool on your digital phishing line would actually increase. hmmm…maybe that’s my next million dollar idea…a nice ‘phisher’s digital compendium’ reference site, where all of the hard working scam artists can go to and get things like cool template letters with proper english. maybe i’ll have some kind of site creator there where you can actually make legit looking forms and websites for your scam. and i’ll turn it into a social network! yeah! a social network! so you can share all of your grand scam successes with all of your friends! and the more successes you have, you earn points that can earn you things like %’ages off russian brides or loaves of bread!
oh my god, i’m a genius. WHO’S WITH ME?!
Yep, when you give capabilities for readers to leave comments, the first people to figure it out and abuse it are those damn spammers. Depending on your hosting company, you can block an entire range of ips to cut down on a lot of it. I think most of it typically come out of Korea, and who the hell wants Koreans reading your blog anyway?
It got so bad on i-see-sound, I had to put some modules in for bayesian(sp?) filters and black lists, and tweak some stuff to ban an IP for a week if they got picked up by the spam filter.
So now it’s nice and quiet as in I now know that no one but spammers visited the site. Oh well.