.:empty cars and other strange tales:.
i used to have this black 1998 acura integra i loved. it was the first car i purchased without any help from the parents…and it was damn cool. unfortunately, as good a care i took of it, i never had any luck with it. such is the case of the ghost driver…
once upon a time, around 2003-ish or so in march, i was driving home from work. in order for me to get home from work, i had to take one of the main highways, 71N, to get up to hyde park. on this particular night, it was around 6-ish, raining, and still a little bit dark outside. and when it rains and starts getting dark in cincinnati, it’s like an internal dumb-ass switch gets turned on in just about everyone that owns a car. they drive really slowly yet aggressively. they don’t use their turn signals. they speed up/slow down/speed up/slow down/slam on the break/speed up/etc. calling the majority of the cincinnati population a ‘driver’ on these occasions is a really loose term. the more appropriate term is ‘occupier of the driving seat of a vehicle’. just because you occupy the driving seat doesn’t necessarily mean you are doing what you’re supposed to be doing…
at this point, traffic was moving pretty well. i was just coming around a corner from the downtown area and approaching the straight away which starts you up 71 north. i was picking up speed steadily and thinking i’d be home much quicker than i thought. as i’m contemplating this little happy turn of luck, i notice up in the distance there’s a white SUV slowly rolling across the highway. not rolling as is ‘car wreck rolling’; rolling as in on all four tires going west. towards the divider wall.
my brain assesses the situation, and within a millisecond or two it returns data that i didn’t like. it said something like, ’self, if you don’t slow the hell down, you are going to run directly into that white SUV. oh yeah, and it’s going to suck. thank you.’
so i look to my right and see there’s a car next to me. i check my rearview and see there’s someone directly on my behind. looking to my left reveals an escape route. there’s just enough space for me to squeeze in between the car ahead and the car behind. so i throw on my turn signal and start to ease over. my job becomes a little easier because the car in front of me is now moving over into my lane. of course, while i’m switching lanes i’m starting to think that he’s going to be in the same precarious situation i was going to be in. but at this point, i’m just worried about getting myself over and out of harms way.
and that’s when i look up and see why he switched lanes.
bearing down on me and in the same lane is the white SUV. and instead of rolling west across the highway, it has now decided to turn and start heading SOUTH down the northbound road.
i can’t get over into either of the other lanes now, so my only option is to start slowing down and hope that the guy behind me slows down too. fortunately he does, but the SUV isn’t showing any signs of letting up. having no choice, i slow down, slow down, slow down…and then flat out stop. and this SUV continues to roll slowly towards me until it finally hits my front bumper and comes to a complete stop.
now…let’s quickly recap, friends. i’m at a dead stop in the middle of a busy highway in heavy traffic. it’s raining pretty hard, it’s getting dark and i now have a large white SUV planted on my front bumper. i can’t move my car because if i do, the SUV’ll just keep rolling. i can’t get out of my car because…well…i’ve heard that it’s not a wise idea to be walking in the middle of a highway. but if i stay in the car i run the risk of someone not seeing me and rear-ending me.
awesome. my day is now not going very well at all.
i decide my best course of action is to get out of my car and at least set up a few reflective emergency road triangles that i have in my trusty car repair kit. but before i do that, i want to give this stupid asshat a piece of my mind, and perhaps a piece of my fist to his nose. i hope out and carefully walk up to the car. i approach the drivers side while at the same time taking a breath to begin my tirade…
…but there’s no one in the car.
i’m stunned. i keep waiting for the twilight zone music to start playing. i keep waiting for someone to pop out of the back and start laughing, telling me that’s it all a cruel joke. candid camera? america’s funniest home videos? my friends playing a sick joke? nope…none of the above. just plain empty.
i finally snap out of it and go to put the triangles down. once this is completed i decide that it’d be a good plan to call the police. but the problem with this is that when i try to explain what has happened, i realize that i sound like i’m on drugs.
me: ‘yeah, officer, i was just going up 71 when i saw this white SUV coming towards me. so i stopped and let it hit me. and i got out so i could talk to the driver, but it turns out there’s no one in the car.’
dispatcher: *silence* *sigh* *click*
they hung up on me. i’m not kidding.
i had to call back again and re-explain to someone else what was happening. i had to wait an hour before the cops finally came. and when they ran the plates through the computer, the vehicle wasn’t registered to anyone. WTF, mate?
the good news was that my car wasn’t damaged beyond a small nick in my front bumper and the very front part of the hood. oh, and i survived what could have been a pretty terrible situation. the cops never did find the owner of the vehicle. they explained that it had probably been abandoned on the side of the road with the wheel turned to the left, but the parking break was not turned on. the vehicle probably started rolling because was on a slight downgrade and there were lots of cars passing by it at high speeds.
.a.
