In the continued battle for the recapture of my large intestine from the evil clutches of ulcerative colitis, I’ve decided to try acupuncture. Why all of a sudden? A couple of reasons…
First, about 3 months ago, I got booted from the gastrointerologist I was seeing. While one might think this is a bad thing, I was actually working on getting out of there to begin with. The reasons why are contained in this review I wrote on yelp.com. And that review is the main reason why I got booted. A while after I wrote it, the doctor (Chia-Wen Hsu - or, as he says, Kevin Shoe), found it and basically told me that I should see someone else. I asked to see another doctor there, but he apparently ‘denied me’. Draw your own conclusions. Note that it doesn’t bother me much and I don’t harbour any ill-feelings towards Dr. Hsu or the other doctor. Really, the crux of the problem was with the staff…but again, you can read about that in the review if you like.
I found another doctor pretty quickly, and while I’ve only seen him once, it seems like this will be better experience. I’ll say that I’m not impressed with the office when compared to the offices of Austin Gastrointerology. Austin Gastro is an awfully nice place to go, but I’d much rather get an overall higher level of treatment than feel like I’m an inconvenience or a bother to the staff.
The second reason is because, for the amount of drugs I’m taking and the cost of them, I don’t really feel a whole heck of a lot improved. I don’t fault them, as this stupid disease is different for everyone. Mine just happens to be particularly annoying and non-responsive to all of the conventional treatments I’ve had so far.
And so that’s where the decision for acupuncture came into play. For the longest time, I’ve contemplated trying it. I’ve only been apprehensive because I’ve had a hard time justifying doing something that ‘hasn’t been medically proven’. I changed my attitude when I came to the harsh realization that the ‘medically proven’ stuff wasn’t (and still isn’t) working as well as it should…so what the heck wold I have to lose if I went down the non-medically proven path?
I had my first visit on Friday, January 16th, at a place called The Austin Acupuncture Clinic. It also happens to be a school of acupuncture. I felt pretty good about my decision when the doctor who treated me was A) 100% certifiable Chinese and B) I could hardly understand a word he was saying. Not that that him being Chinese makes a difference, as I’m positive there are tons and tons of super-competent [insert nationality here] acupuncturists as well. I guess it’s a mental thing. You know…if you’re going to go get some ancient treatment that originated in an Asian country, then there MUST be something to it when the doctor from said Asian country is giving you the treatment, right? Right…
After asking me a bunch of questions and nodding critically, he explained that he didn’t think acupuncture would be enough, that I would have to take herbal supplements as well. I nodded and said, “Fine.” He then proceeded to tell me exactly where he’d insert the needles. There would be one in my forehead, four in my stomach, several in each hand, several in each leg and several in each foot. After explaining this, he then proceeded with sticking me full of surgical steel. He’d take a needle, place it where it needed to go and then ‘flick’ it. He’d then turn it a little, pull it and ask if I felt it. It didn’t hurt at all. It wasn’t even uncomfortable. One second there were no needles jutting from my skin, and the next there were. No big deal at all…
After that was finished, he turned a couple of heat lamps on over my midsection and my feet, turned the lights off and left the room. He came back after about 15 minutes, made a few adjustments to the needles and then left again. Overall, it was pretty damn releaxing.
Once everything was done and he removed the needles, he gave me a sack full of herbal tea, instructing me to boil it in water, split it into two parts and then drink one in the morning and one in the evening, both after having eaten something.
If I could change one thing, that’s what I’d change. I would rather be pincushioned full of needles than make a conscious decision to drink this fabulously horrific tea. It looks innocent enough before you brew it. There are 13 invididual little packets in 6 separate plastic baggies, each packet being some different dried herb or root. I feel like some kind of ancient alchemist conconcting a curative brew whenever I make it, cutting open each packing and dumping in the stuff contained within. I keep expecting a small bright explosion or a colorful djinn to come roiling up from the liquid in my teapot everytime I dump a little packet into the mix.
But that’s probably just my overactive imagination.
I haven’t explained why having to drink this stuff is what I’d change. If you haven’t guessed, it tastes like absolute dung…like freshly served bitter, wet, rotting garbage and socks worn for 5 days without being washed. Ironically, it smells kind of good. It has an ‘earthy’ scent to it, kind of like if you were to combine the scents of gingerbread, a little bit of chocolate and something spicy. It even looks like it’s just going to be a very strong rich black tea. But the taste…Jesus, I can feel my gag reflex working ust thinking about it. I choked down about half a cup of it the first time and had to lay down because I started feeling nauseated. The second time I managed to drink a little more because I added some sugar. The past couple of times I’ve been able to drink an entire cup, but that’s because I’ve doctored with a packet of Chai tea and some honey. I’ll boil the concoction up like you’d boil regular old water for tea and then I pour it over the Chai bag and honey. The Chai, being pretty strong, lessens the bitterness and the honey makes it almost pleasant. But there’s still that nasty undertone, kind of like after you’ve swallowed a pill and you burp. You don’t quite taste the pill because you wash it down with water, but burping brings some of the dissolved contents back up. I’m hoping that the doctor will not tell me that what I’m doing will ruin the efficacy of the straight brew. However, if he does, I guess I’m prepared to just take it like a man. If anyone else can do it, so can I. And, at this point, I’m willing to try just about anything short of severely injuring myself in order to make things better.
So far, things feel a little improved. I’ve managed two nights of sleeping through the entire night without waking up. The mornings have still remained a little rough, but hopefully that will subside with time and continued treatment.
One fine Saturday afternoon at Border’s, I was lovingly perusing books when I suddenly felt the urge to use the restroom. I made my way there, selected a stall and proceeded about my business. Out of the periphery of my vision, I notice that the stall next to mine is occupied and don’t think much of it until I hear something drop to the floor.
