system: xbox 360

one sentence description: fast-paced third-person shooter-meets-racing arcade-style-game with a touch of mortal kombat thrown in there for good measure.

graphics: 9.0 - fluid, fast and very stylistic. explosions look particularly nice, and the main characters have some pretty cool animations. the two full environments i’ve played through so far have been very cool and unique in looks and layouts, and the frame rates appear to remain very solid.

sound: 7.0 - everything is well-positioned and well recorded, but the overall design isn’t standout. the guns sound a weak. they lack the punchiness of the guns they are emulating (not that i’ve ever shot a gun or anything, but when you compare it to, say, call of duty 4 or something like that, you know what i’m talking about). the voice acting, so far, is pretty good on the part of ‘the secretary’, but i have yet to hear much from the different characters, which is too bad, because the characters seem like they need to be saying something due to their different styles and graphical personalities.

challenge: 8.5 - if you’re familiar with racing games, part of the challenge is choosing the right vehicle or vehicle configuration, part of it is ‘touch’ (i.e. the way you are able to control the vehicle) and part of it is track memorization. the same applies for this game. you’ll find yourself going back to the different levels/maps/challenges and trying to do better against the scores of your rivals. you’ll find yourself attempting to memorize where the enemies are coming from and how best to take them down so that you can maximize your combo meter. best of all, there are multiple gameplay modes to keep things fresh. for example, there’s your ‘time attack’ challenge where you’ll have to manuever through a maze of streets or buildings in a certain amount of time while stringing together kill combos and trying to stay alive. and if you’re good, you’ll find all of the secret stuff along the way. there are also a siege, find the exit, and timed-run challenges in each location.

the only complaint i have is that there isn’t enough different between how each of the characters play. speed, strength and stamina are the three skills you have attached to each character, but the only one you can tell a difference with is speed…and to be honest, that’s pretty essential. speed allows you not only to move through the levels faster, but it also allows you to string together your combos quicker because the enemies actually run away from you in some instances..in which case, if you have to chase them down and you have a slow character, you’re pretty well screwed. i wold have liked to have seen a bigger variety of attributes…at least aiming and perhaps dodging. that would have made the character play feel a little more unique for each one.

value: 7 - i’m sure you can guess that the gameplay is repetitive…but that’s to be expected when you’re dealing with essentially what equates to a run-and-gun racing game. the value shines through in that you’ll find incentive in wanting to increase your score against your opponents so that you can place 1st, 2nd or 3rd within each location. doing this will eventually unlock two more playable characters. but i feel like once you’ve memorized the flow of a level and where the enemies will spawn, you’re going to have an easy time of it.

the multiplayer sucks. it feels half-finished. that’s all i’ll say about that. if you’re looking for a good multiplayer game, here there be monsters…so go away…

bias: 8.5 - i like third person games. i like third person games that involve over-the-top characters running around and blowing away bad guys. i especially like third person games that try to innovate the genre, and i feel like this one actually does that by focusing on incorpating some elements from a traditional racing game. it really does feel like a nice little hybrid of the two genres. that’s no surprise, seeing that the game manufacturer (bizarre creations) created the ‘project gotham racing’ series.

total 8 - i probably shouldn’t have bought this. it’s more of a renter for sure in that it’s certainly fun, kind of different and provides quick entertainment, but it’s not worth $60.00. i’d love to see more variety in the mechanics of the characters and i think i’d be happier if the sound wasn’t so…lackluster. and i’m really dissappointed by the multiplayer, although i’m not known as the multiplayer guy or anything.

however, if you’re looking something fun, quick, and easy to get into, i highly recommend renting it.

.:be a solider. travel to far away galaxies. meet interesting new life forms. kill them:.

system: xbox 360

one sentence description: giant sprawling intergalactic RPG ala star wars: knights of the old republic game mechanics.

graphics: 9 - character details are some of the best i’ve seen. bioware really took the time to make every character believeable and life-like in both physical presence and speech. however…the only problem with this is that it makes the little flaws stand out. for example, you’ll see some lighting effects that don’t work quite right due to the fact that they don’t seem to ‘layer’ correctly. you’ll have a character speaking with a giant lens flare over their forehead from a light that is supposed to be in the background. graphic draw times are pretty slow on the details. you’ll be waiting at least 3-5 seconds for a scene to load all of the graphic elements. you’ll also notice that a lot of the character models, specifically the human females, are too similar. there’s a female dr. aboard your ship named dr. chakwas who you will absolutely swear you see all over the galaxy, the only difference being her hair color.

sound: 9 - whether it’s a ship’s engines firing up, an assault rifle spraying death at an enemy or the explosion of a fuel tank, the sound is crisp and positions well with all of the action. all of the voice acting is excellent…and it should be…seeing that this is a hugely character-driven experience. of note is the soundtrack. it’s very subtle and mood-evoking with nice transitions between sequences and scenes. on, it’s more of a background element. off, you definitely notice it’s not there. it’s not your typical ’space opera’-style track; rather, it’s used as a nice layer that adds extra dimension to what you’re experiencing at the time.

challenge: 8 - there are parts that are hard…but on the whole, it’s not that challenging. keep in mind, though, that the focus of the game isn’t necessarily completely action focused. it’s more plot focused. the secret is figuring out a good squad mix and sticking to that. you aim your gun and fire. you deploy your nifty talents. you deploy your squad talents. you work your way through very similarly setup maps and that’s about it.

value: 10 - the game is, quite frankly, one of the biggest and most ambitious that i’ve ever experienced from a scope perspective. depending on the choices you make, the game could turn out any number of ways for you. you can choose to follow the plot, or you can roam around doing little side missions for quite a bit of time. if you’re a patient person, i’d say this is a pretty darn value-packed game.

bias: 7 - while i like role playing games, i generally don’t see them all the way through because i start to get bored. this is the first one in quite a while that i think i will make it all the way through.

total 9 - the game, overall, is excellent. the characters are extremely believeable. the plot, the writing, and the overall attention to detail is astounding. the gameplay is real-time rather than turn-based like a lot of RPGs. but i have to say that for every amazing thing the game packs in, there is a minor annoyance.

the most annoying thing would be on the galactic map. the ‘zoom out’ button is mapped to ‘x’ instead of ‘b’. as you are aware, in most xbox control layouts, ‘b’ equates to ‘back’…thus the association (for me, at least) with ‘zoom out’. the result is that when you hit b, you exit out of the galactic map. you have to wait for the ship deck to load again, which takes about 5-7 seconds. then you have to re-enter the map, which takes another 5-7 seconds to load.

another glaring one is when you’re in the ground vehicle for surface exploration…the mako. first of all, steering it takes a little bit of getting used to…which is tolerable. but what’s really annoying is that sometimes when you aim the gun, it doesn’t shoot where you expect it to when you’re on an incline. you can place the reticle right on something, and it ends up overshooting your target because the trajectory is really based upon the angle your vehicle is at.

i have to say that if bioware skimped anywhere, they skimped on your squad AI. they simply do not listen to the commands you issue them. tell them to stay in a spot…and they will until you get hit by something. then they charge in like idiots. tell them to follow you, and sometimes they’re a little slow to come. tell them to take cover…and they do…but only until they don’t have a shot anymore…and then they go out into the open.

finally, if you’re not a patient person, this game is absolutely not for you. there is a lot of dialogue…so much in fact you’ll probably find yourself turning on the subtitles and skipping through a lot of it. but be careful; sometimes when you start skipping through, you’ll press the skip button at precisely the point where you get to decide what you’re going to say to the person you’re talking to. fortunatley, it defaults to a ‘neutral’ response most of the time.

let me repeat…these are minor annoyances and don’t detract enough from the experience to make it not worth buying. mass effect rates right up there with all of the other excellent games released on 2007, like bioshock and call of duty 4.

extra insight: 

.:which one is for you?:.
first off, let it be known that i think i will probably house a small kid in my psyche for the rest of my days. i came to this realization this morning when, after taking a shower and getting dressed, i got pre-occupied with putting stickers on my nifty new black les paul guitar game conroller. mind you, i wasn’t just slapping them on there. i was actually thinking about which ones i’d use and how i’d arrange them to achieve maximum visual coolness.

man, i have way too much time on my hands…

so, over christmas, i went and purchased the games rock band and guitar hero III. i only meant to have rock band, but the guitar controller i wanted/reviewed the best only comes in a bundle with guitar hero III. i’m glad it worked out that way, as both offer similar-yet-different experiences.

i have to admit that i’m a little bit behind the curve on the whole guitar hero thing. for some reason, it never  appealed to me up until the recent release of III. III, entitled ‘legends of rock’, incorporates the idea of ‘guitar battles’ with famous guitar players on top of the regular rhythm-based gameplay. slash seems to be the poster child for this. seeing that i love, respect and think that slash is a complete bad-ass, i decided that what’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

but instead of buying it when it first came out, i decided to wait because i knew that rock band was coming. rock band was intriguing to me from the standpoint of having and entire band rather than just doing the guitar thing. the whole co-op aspect of it was also appealing. plus, it’s endorsed by MTV and was catching a lot of really good buzz for being a fresh take on the proven guitar hero formula.

as i said earlier, i’m glad i have both because, while they are the same core games, the presentation and the ‘feel’ of them are totally different.

guitar hero III: legends of rock

guitar hero III: legends of rock takes and puts you in the cartoonish world of an up-and-coming band beginning their climb to fame. you get to choose one of seven or so different rock star stereotypes (the punk guy with the mohawk, the hendrix clone, the hair rocker, etc.) and then proceed to ‘gig’ at different locations. completing songs and full gigs gets you money and sponsorships. getting sponsorships gets you more money. and getting more money allows you to customize your character a little more. for example, you can buy different outfits, songs and guitars. seeing that the game is heavily sponsored by gibson, you can only purchase gibson guitars…which is fine because gibson guitars are pretty freakin’ awesome. of course, the most recognizable are the explorers and the les pauls. and you can also buy different finishes for them. but your big purchases come in the form of unlocking guitar legends…like slash…after you battle (and consequently defeat) them. the first guitar legend i beat was tom morello. i quickly earned enough cash and unlocked him, which means that i can now use him as my avatar. this doesn’t have any effect on the game other than lending it some cool factor. it’s pretty sweet to be tapping along to ‘mississippi queen’ or ‘evenflow’ and seeing a 3D version of tom morello jumping around representing your inner rockstar.

overall, guitar hero III feels very refined and polished. it should be, seeing that it is the third iteration of the game and all. load times are good, character animations are solid, song selection is diverse and the interface is excellent. i wish there was a little more character customization. you’re pretty limited to what they have provided for you. i am also a little bit annoyed at the fact that when you hit the whammy bar, it seems to distort the whole song rather than just the guitar track. that makes the whole experience a little less credible, but it’s a pretty small thing.

rock band

rock band is all about options. guitar not your thing? be the drummer. feel like taking your shower singing voice and putting it to the test? you can do that. want to play with three other friends as one big happy fake band? go for it.

the idea is still the same here in that this chronicles your adventures with an up-and-coming band. the first thing you’ll notice right off the bat is that, while neither game takes itself really seriously, rock band is the more serious of the two. there is a little taste of hipster here. the art direction smells very much of MTV, and the presentation feels more surreal and much bigger. for example, as you move to bigger stages, you’ll notice the name of your band in lights in the background. you’ll see that the character animations are a little more diverse and ‘rockstar-ish’. the venues you play in are pretty fairly believeable.

what guitar hero lacks in customization, rock band has taken and made it the bread and butter of the experience. you could (and i did) spend at least 1/2 an hour in the initial character creation screen. you control everything from the shoes, pants and shirt your character wears down to the style of rings he/she wears on his fingers. you control his/her build and hair style (eyebrows too….yeah…crazy….). you can even customize according to the musical genre…so if you are, say, the darkest of the dark goth dudes, you can put yourself in black leather, chains and make-up if you like. and, just like in guitar hero, you can customize your instruments too, only rock band is heavily sponsored by fender. this is pretty cool because the fender line is extremely diverse in both body styles and finishes. they even had my specific real-world guitar in there (a 1972 fender tele deluxe). of course, buying clothes and guitars costs money which is earned by completing gigs. you can imagine that this gives you a lot of incentive to keep playing (i.e. keep playing to earn enough money to buy that 40K guitar in the shop or an entire line of genre-specific clothing).

rock band also one-ups guitar hero in the ‘rock star experience’ department. one of the first songs you play is ‘in bloom’ by nirvana, and i’m telling you, when it kicks you into the solo section of that song, it gets you pretty fired up. it also helps that you can choose the types of guitar effects (echo, flange, wah, etc.) that happen when you enter into the starpower/overdrive mode (note that you can only do this with the rock band guitar controller, as it has a little switch that allows you to select which effect you want to use).

but rockband isn’t quite so refined. while each set of songs essentially constitutes a gig, the flow is severely crippled by load times. you’ll wait about 15 seconds for a song to load. once you finish the song, you end up going back to the song selection menu where you choose the next song, and then it takes another 15 seconds to load that song. you feel like you’re playing one-off songs. and, if you really screw up the song, there’s no easy way to re-do it. you have to wait…load the song again…etc. or just end it before it’s done.

the other thing that i’ve found incredibly annoying is that your band mates arbitrarily change. you’ll leave the game with one group only to come back later to find that all three of your band mates are completely different. seeing that there are male and female songs throughout the game, it’s inevitable that this happens with the singer. but a new bass player? or drummer? why can’t you keep the same ones for yor career? better yet, why can’t you customize them just as much as you customize your player?

there also isn’t much of a running story throughout the game. you hop from city to city, venue to venue, but there isn’t any particular reason as to why you go where you go. and there’s a big disconnect between playing at small clubs and then all of a sudden you’re playing these giant arena shows. that doesnt’ make much sense.

the presentation of the actual gameplay is a little bit generic as opposed to the nice shapes and various indicators guitar hero has built in.

finally, if you decide to buy the special edition bundle, let me forewarn you that the instruments are not exactly very well built. while i can only speak for the guitar, i can tell you that it doesn’t come anywhere near the quality of the guitar hero (red octane) instruments. the buttons on the fretboard feel ‘mushy’ and are not very tactile. the instrument as a whole feels cheap and very plasticky. the response feels ever-so-slightly off when playing. activating overdrive is generally hit or miss if you tilt the guitar up to use it. plus, it’s wired, which kind of sucks. on the other hand (and as mentioned earlier) the rock band specific controller has a switch on it which allows you to choose the guitar effects that are happening when you activate overdrive. not that this effects the way the game plays, but it’s an extra little ‘experiential’ thing that you may want to consider.

purchasing advice

you have to know that there is a whole ridiculous debacle going on with the controllers being compatible between games. i had initially purchased the guitar hero x-plorer controller because it was the only ‘name brand’ instrument i could find that didn’t come bundled with the guitar hero game. unfortunately it didn’t do so hot when trying to activate overdrive for rock band, and so i returned it. i don’t know if it was just a fluke or if it was a genuinely defective product.

i’m not going to explain how, but i ended up testing out the rock band fender controller. read the above for my take on that. i wasn’t very impressed. add to that the fact that it absolutely DOES NOT work with any of the guitar hero games right now. this is fine if you don’t plan on buying guitar hero…and who’s to say that a patch won’t be released in the future to remedy that?

i bit the bullet and bought guitar hero III with the black les paul guitar controller made by red octane. i’m extremely happy i did. not only did i get the other game as a little extra bonus, but the controller is considerably nicer/much better put together than either of the other two. and it’s wireless. AND it works perfectly with both games.

for penny pinchers looking to play rock band: grab an off-brand guitar controller and rock band. that’ll run you about $110 + tax. i do not recommend this because i believe you get what you pay for when it comes to the controllers.

for penny pincher +’s looking to play rock band: spend the extra $10 for a total of $120 + tax to get the red octane x-plorer controller. it’s built similarly to one of the newer les paul controllers except that it’s wired. it doesn’t feel quite as good as the les paul, but it’s far better than a generic.

for those about to rock with rock band: buy the special edition rock band bundle, which comes with everything you need to get up and running with a group of players. that’ll rob you of $169 + tax, and you unfortunately won’t be able to play guitar hero.

for penny pinchers looking to play guitar hero III: purchase the guitar hero III: legends of rock bundle for $100 + tax. that’ll get you the best controller and the guitar hero III game, which you will have plenty of fun with. save your ducats for rock band at a later date.

for those about to rock with maximum diversity: purchase the guitar hero III legends of rock bundle AND rock band for $160.00 + tax. yep, that’s only $10.00 less than the special edition rock band bundle. however, there are two reason why this is a better idea:

1. do you really NEED the drums in the SE rock band bundle? the microphone? i decided i did not, that i’d be better served with a second game.
2. the controller works perfectly with both games and is wireles

the bottom line

if i absolutely had to pick one to start with, i’d tell you to start with guitar hero. while i admit that i personally like rock band a little better, guitar hero is the more fun/integrated/better executed of the two games. plus, you can’t beat the fact that they sell the controller and the game for $100.

.:i must be naieve:.

once again, it is the power of the video game that has kept me from posting.

i’m sure you’ve deduced that the offending game is call of duty 4, and the reason why it has been so powerful of a game dork aphrodesiac is because of the online aspect of it. there is much incentive to play with people online, specifically because you have a persistent character account and unlockables as you run yourself ragged down the level-up treadmill. for the common non-gamer, that means you start at level 1, and every level you go up, something cool unlocks all the way up to level 55. that something cool could be a new gun or a new ‘perk’, which allows you to enhance your character in some way which gives you great incentive to keep playing. so in some ways, it’s like an extremely lightweight MMORPG (massively multiplayer online roleplaying game).

so the gameplay is great and the sheer amount of gametypes are sure to keep you entertained. however…there is one thing that i have noticed in playing, and that is the fact that games like these tend to bring out the inner ignorant racist in a lot of people. people rather flippantly use the ‘n’ word. people make jokes about jews and gas chambers. people enjoy calling others just about ever racial slur in the book with the same ease as calling one’s parents ‘mom’ or ‘dad’. i even got called ‘guerro’ for politely asking some guy to turn off his headset so everyone wouldn’t have to listen to him talking to/yelling at/scolding his little kid…

me: hey man, would you mind turning your headset mic off?

guy: what was that guerrro? how ’bout you worry about yourself and don’t worry about what i’m doing…

what the ‘ef?

at first, i was surprised…no…aghast would be the more appropriate word to use…at hearing these things said. don’t we live in the 21st century? aren’t video gamers supposed to be a fairly well educated and tolerant group of folk? and then i realized that, as the technology barrier becomes shorter and shorter, you start to introduce a lower common denominator of human into the mix. that sounds like a crappy thing to say, but it’s the truth. make it affordable for joey bob the welfare case to buy some cool technology and he’ll want it just as bad as every other video gamer out there.

but i really do not enjoy playing with joey bob because it makes me depressed, angry and scared for society in general. it leads me to believe that this is the way the majority of people really think, and that anonymity makes it possible for them to voice their true thoughts.

and then the reality of the whole deal sets in. the reality is that the american society has really only been ‘officially’ set free of the racial boundaries for approximately 1.5 generations. my parents grew up in the time of segregation and separate but equal. i happen to be one of the lucky ones in that i do not have dumb-asses for parents who would continue to pass down that way of thinking to me.

of course, you have a bunch of these asshats who get on and actually try to justify what they are saying by phrasing it as a ‘joke’. for example, there was a group of about 4 guys on there…sounded like college students…and they were talking about how they were going to have a KKK meeting over the weekend. they were throwing around the n word and laughing and making lynching jokes. and then they’d say something like, ‘i hope there aren’t any black people on here. i hope we’re not offending anyone. we’re only joking.’ then they’d continue to laugh about it. unbelieveable.

i’ve now gotten over the hump of standing by and listening and now i’m actually speaking up. i’m sure it doesn’t make that much of a difference, but at least i’m saying something and at least i’m not allowing these idiots complete command of the situation. what i say ranges anywhere from extreme sarcasm to being dead serious, and i’ve actually found that being dead serious works a little better than the sarcasm. an example of dead serious would be a very earnest request to please not use that kind of language and that it’s just not necessary. 7 out of 10 times, the guys will make one or two more comments and just stop. and when i don’t feel like putting up with it, it’s easy to just drop and switch games. the beauty of xbox live is that you can ‘review’ players. once you give a player a bad review, they get added to your ‘avoid’ list and you never have to play with/hear from them again. unfortunately there are A LOT of people on xbox live, so i’m sure it’ll take awhile to fill that list up.

i’d love to be able to say that racism will take a very effective beatdown over the 10-20 years…but i fear it’ll get worse before it gets better. this is only one path, but a significant one in my mind. one has to remember that there are a lot of kids playing too, and online play is yet another small window into a much larger world. perceptions have a high tendency of being skewed for kids, and if kids are hearing this kind of stuff on a daily basis…then i certainly hold a little fear for the future.

all together now: racism is not cool.

.:middle eastern ninjas are cool:.

system: xbox 360

one sentence description: mix one part hitman with two parts prince of persia, a large portion of high-concept cinematic story and some serious parkour, and you have assassin’s creed.

graphics: 10 - unbelieveable. the attention to details of the main character (altair…pronounced al-tie-air) and the cityscapes are completely unmatched in my opinion. the animations are beautiful, right down to the way he turns while walking. it’s all very fluid.

sound: 8.5 - the sounds design is great…clanging of swords, the hustle and bustle of the crowds, ambient noises. the only thing i don’t like is the fact that a lot of the miscellaneous dialogue is repeated over and over again. it becomes very annoying after the 3rd or 4th time you hear it.

challenge: 9 - while there isn’t as much of a stealth mechanic as i thought there might be, the overall balance of actions and the learning curve for each one makes up for it. for example, once you figure the basics of combat, you quickly find yourself becoming interested in learning how to utilize the city surfaces to move around. and once you have the basics of that figured out, you find that you’ve gained another combat ability that you have to learn how to use. or learn another part of the city. or figure out once of the little side challenges that each of your ‘information gathering’ missions present. all of it ramps up gradually and all of it makes you think about how you’ll utilize each of those learnings and incorporate it into your gameplay.

value: 8 - i feel like it’s safe to say that once you finish up the game, you probably won’t want to play it again, as there isn’t any multiplayer invovled. you may want to go back and try to do some of the long winded ‘gathering’ side missions (i.e. find 100 flags scattered through the city, kill 60 templars, etc.), but that appears to be it. i’ve read that the game spans about 15-20 hours, which isn’t bad at all. i’ve spent about 8, and feel like i’m about half way through.

bias: 9 - assasin games with swordplay and knives and acrobatics and all of that stuff is awesome, so you could say i’m a little biased.

total 9 - definitely worth the money if you like these types of action games. for those of you that get frustrated by the whole stealth thing, you don’t have to worry about that much here, as it plays less of a role than just plain overall action. the controls take some getting used to. it’s contextual-based, so depending on the situation and the type of ’stance’ you are in (high profile/low profile), you’ll do different things. in combat, this makes it more about timing rather than fancy button combos. when moving, it’s makes things a lot simpler, as it doesn’t rely so much on timing as it does making sure you’re aimed at where you want to go and you have a general sense of altair’s jumping abilities.

my only complaint: the camera. this is a fairly typical flaw with third person games. sometimes the camera glitches out and ends up behind a tree at crucial moments. for example, when you’re in combat with a dozen different guys and you manage to pull off a good counter, the last thing you want to have glitch is the camera. when you come out of that counter, it makes it difficult to anticipate who’s going to attack next.

extra insight: rare is it that a game actually makes me think a lot about playing it. even more rare is it that a game makes you think about your own life and why you are here. yeah, that’s pretty deep for a video game.

taking a step back, you are introduced to the idea that you actually aren’t the main character altair; rather, you are a character in the present day named desmond who has been abducted by a pharma company. the company has developed a machine which allows access to viewing ‘gene memory’. not only does it allow access, but it allows control of the memory, resulting in the connection between desmond and altair. altair is desmond’s ancestor, thus desmond is able to live altair’s memories.

pretty bizarre, eh? i’m not very deep into the game at this point…probably about 50% in…and i’m sure that i’ll uncover more about this connection. however, the singular idea of gene memory is pretty intriguing, and actually something that i could buy. think about who you are and what makes you tick. you are made up of millions of years of evolution, millions of years of mixed genes and DNA passed down from ancestor to ancestor. wouldn’t it make sense that some of that ‘code’ would equate into the possibility of residual memories? if it makes sense that your genes make you predisposed to act/perform in a certain way, then you could feasibly draw the conclusion that your body could also house the memories of what led to those competencies.

from a practical point of view, you could make several comparisons. one would be the idea of deja vu. another would be dreaming, specifically lucid dreaming, where you become aware that you are dreaming and you control of what is going on. of course, we are told dreams are made of things you’ve experienced already…but what’s to say that some elements of your dreams are those residual memories of your ancestors? finally, there is simple human instinct. why do you do some of the things you do? was it a learned response to a situation that happened on a consistent basis in your family tree?

all of this from a game. who says that video games are pointless?